Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
