I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
