weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
