I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
