I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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