I wish I only lived at night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are we still banned from the library?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
