She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
