If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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