I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
