Your face is a jimmy john
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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