I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
