I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
