So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
