I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
