Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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