did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
