The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
