I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
