There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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