I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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