Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
