I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
