He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
