dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
