Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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