sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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