I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
