I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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