I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
