i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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