I think my fart just growled at me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
