This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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