i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
