Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
