you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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