well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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