I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No subtext here. People are naked.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
