get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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