A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My ATM looks so different sober.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
