Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she told me i tasted like america
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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