This is not my ceiling
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
