One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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