My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
