i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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