Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
