I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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