they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
