My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
