oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
