Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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