You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
