I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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