Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
God, I missed his penis.
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