I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
well you can't waste a boner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
